RESOURCES
This section appears in the book but is important enough that I thought it should be available here on the website as well. I hope that it's of value to you and that you find something here that makes your life easier. - Best, Shellie
Military service; member and their spouses often overlook numerous resources and support agencies dedicated to assisting families. Being a military family is a challenge and no one will disagree with that, but one thing is for sure -- you are not alone.
The particular branch of service you are affiliated with will determine what support group is best for you. Every unit should have an established family support or readiness group. As you read this, many of you may be moaning over a bad experience with one of these support groups. Most of us at one time or another has probably had at least one negative experience within a support group.
Take a few moments and think of all the groups, whether military or civilian, you have been involved with during your life, including your work place, church, sport team, and so on. I'm sure you encounter people or policies within all of these groups that you disagree with? Don't allow a particular person or policy to take away from what the group has to offer. Not all support groups are alike and as members of a group change, the dynamics of the group change. The mission of the group is the most important thing.
Most unit support groups have volunteers who, for the most part, lead the group and genuinely care and devote enormous amounts of time and effort to make the group a success. One or two personalities are bound to clash in any group setting. Like all the other clubs or groups you may be a part of, this clash should not stop you from participating or benefiting from the group. You can't benefit at all if you don't participate.
Support groups are a great way to develop friendships, share information, and learn about community services. If you're not plugged into a support group, you are missing a huge benefit for military families. Most families who stay involved with their unit's support group are better equipped to handle the challenges of separation due to deployments. When the deployments come, many of the spouses have already developed a solid foundation of friends and knowledge of the resources available to them. If you discover the unit support group is not for you, I encourage you to seek out a support group elsewhere.
Those of us who have been involved with the military for several years have a responsibility to share our wealth of personal experiences with the younger spouses of the unit. We should never forget the days when we struggled with not-knowing the ropes, fear of the unknown, and barely having enough money to get by. Even we seasoned spouses still encounter these uneasy feelings, but most of us have learned where to get the support we need and have developed a network of military friendships. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by being involved.
In addition to support groups, I hope you will learn from this book to remember to communicate, listen, stick to routines but take care of yourself and the kids, keep a sharp eye on the finances, and love and support your service member. You can be successful at home with the kids or have a successful career as a military spouse with at-home work or outside work, and your family life can stay normal with some adjustments to a situation that is not. No matter what, stay positive and hold onto your faith.
Web sites are listed by chapters; many may be used for several different chapters. Happy surfing!
Chapter 1: Departure
(This web site can be a helpful resource for every chapter in this book)
1. MilitarySpouse.com (user ID: military Password: onesource)
This web site can be a helpful resource for every Chapter in this book. Twenty-four hour service, 356 days a year. You will find advise, support, practical solutions, and online resources. All calls are answered live.
Military One Source: 1-800-342-9647
From the United States: 1-800-540-4124 Navy
1-800-655-4545 Army
1-800-707-5784 Air Force
1-800-869-0278 Marines
From outside the United States: 1-800-3429-6477
Call collect from outside the United States: 1-484-530-5908
(This magazine may be a helpful resource for every chapter in this book)
2. Military Spouse Magazine, awesome info, a must have! "The first magazine dedicated for all U.S. military spouses. Military Spouse is a bi-monthly consumer magazine publication in print format that is by, for, and about U.S. military spouses. The content incorporates all aspects of life in the military."
3. Military.Com Site covers all branches of the military providing information for education, money, careers, shopping, etc.
4. Army Wife 101. All the information pertains to all the services.
5. Military Family Resource Center
6. The Military Family Network
7. Army community service For active, Guard or Reserve.
8. Family corner.
9. Tricare military health insurance.
10. Want to quit smoking?
Great web sites to plan a mini vacation while your service member is deployed or for a wonderful homecoming vacation
11. Armed Forces Vacation Club
12. Army Lodging
13. Navy Lodging
14. Travel guide including military discounts.
15. National Parks
16. Off Duty Travel
17. Navy Moral, Welfare & Recreation Web Site
18. Army Moral, Welfare & Recreation Web Site.
Chapter 2: Communication
What Hinders Communication in Your Marriage? Lots of good info. Topics include: conflict resolution, building communications skills, separation, divorce, family issues, general married issues, Worksheets and more.
Families Taking Charge: Talking With Your Spouse.
Site focuses on the family offering help with abuse and addiction, life pressures, love and sex, parenting children, and much more.
Site provides advice on all aspects and types of marriages including family concerns, emotions, communication, and the list goes on.
"Staying Connected When Your Spouse Is Away", By Ellie Kay. This article discusses how to prepare for the separation, how to deal with the children, the weather, unexpected appliance problems, a list of don't, and amusing stories and dialogue.
Chapter 3: Financial Hardship
In case you have the urge to splurge: Military shopping web sites
Defense Commissary.
Army & Air Force Exchange.
Navy Exchange.
Other financial web sites:
Tax information.
American Red Cross
Service member's Group Life Insurance (SGLI) Information.
Chapter4: Infidelity
"When Your Partner Cheats" Article: By Karen Berney
"Guarding against an affair" several articles on temptations, infidelity and other good reading.
"How to Survive Infidelity" and several articles dealing with infidelity.
The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy Offers lots of resources.
Chapter 5: Children
For Fathers, for groups, for everyone.
(Dads @ a Distance)
(Moms over Miles)
Stress and Young Children.
Stress in children and teens, Stress chart and some great articles.
The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy Offers lots of resources. Locate a family therapist; locate books and articles for family issues. Over forty articles on updates for family problems.
Chapter 6: Career
Site provides employment information.
Assist spouses to become public school teachers.
Home business information.
"An Online Strategy for Military Career Success".
Site helps you find a job by posting a resume, networking, getting advice, and more.
Freelance Jobs, Work-at-Home Opportunities.
The Veterans' Preference Advisor allows Veterans to examine the preferences for which they might be entitled with regard to Federal jobs. This Advisor was developed by the Veterans' Employment and Training Service.
Chapter 7: Homefries
Home repairs.
Tips & Tutorials on General Home Repairs.
Articles on how to "Do it your self" as well as links to resources such as answers to care of cars, buying auto parts, and more.
Chapter 8: Homecoming
Sites for planning a vacation upon homecoming:
Armed Forces Vacation Club offers condominium rentals at resorts around the world for a great price. Worth checking out.
Army Lodging for all armed forces.
Navy Lodging worldwide.
Offers discounts on rental cars, hotels, and other services.
View all National parks locations learn about history and culture, biology, geology. Plan educational outings with the kids.
Off-duty travel for all braches of military. Lodging, camping and RV sites.
Air Force lodging worldwide.
Other resources to help with re-adjustment:
National Center for PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)
Military One Source 1-800-342-9647. (User ID: military; Password: onesource)
Deployment Health Clinical Center 1-800-559-1627
Links to all Department of Defense websites.
Department of Veterans Affairs Under the health section, check out transition assistance link. Offers dependents benefits and services info.
Description and warnings about Lariam (Mefloquine)
Several articles about the effects of the anti malaria drug Lariam (Mefloquine). A must read if your service member is taking Lariam, also known as Mefloquine.
(Article ref. Lariam) "American Soldiers, Journalism and Suicide."
Warnings and description of Lariam.
Chapter 9: Prayer
Ministry sites for our Military:
Christian Military Fellowship. Bible studies, articles, battle plan, prayer, training, leadership and many resources.
Military ministry, lots of good information. Homecoming ideas, deployment, spouses, prayer guide and more.
Over 230 online ministries, 20-30 multimedia ministries. Articles and more.
"Almost 2025 Christian radio stations, Almost 1150 Christian radio station web site links. A list of over 150 web site links to radio networks and other radio resources. A list of web site links to over 150 Christian radio programs".
A website that focuses on the family Tons of great articles, links and resources.
Your guide to Judaism Articles resources, recipes, holidays, history, books, arts, culture, jokes and more.
Islam.com web directory. Articles, festivals, prayer, education, calendar, history, discussion forums and more.
Chapter 10: Decisions
Decisions We Never Want To Make
Books:
Wolfelt, Allen D. Healing a Spouse's Grieving Heart. You will find simple activities and helpful advice for widows and widowers. Topics covered will teach you how to cope with your grief and life that will be difficult. Very concise, well written, and allows you to read a page or two at a time.
Felber, Marta. Finding Your Way after Your Spouse Dies (Notre dame IN: Ave Maria Press Inc Sep. 2004) Again a very concise and well-written book that speaks directly to you. I have enjoyed reading this and again it is one you only need to read a page or two at a time to get a benefit.
Noel, Brook and Pamela D Blair Ph.D., I wasn't ready to say goodbye: Surviving, coping and healing after the sudden death of a loved on. (Champion Press: 2000)
Foehner, Charlotte, and Carol Cozart, The Widow's Handbook This is a thicker book with lots of great information and detail. Very useful.
Neeld, Elizabeth Harper. Seven Choices: Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World. Very useful information and well-written.
Wolfelt, Alen. Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas for Kids (Companion Press) For children ages six through twelve who have had a loved one die. The book provides ideas to help with the grief, gentle advice, and activities for this age group.
Web sites:
MOAA Military Offices Association of America. They are working to improve benefits and they work closely with Gold Star Wives. A nonprofit organization.
Gold Star Wives click near the bottom for the site. They handle all sorts of questions and can direct you to people or places for answers. In addition, they are constantly working with/lobbying Congress to improve survivor benefits, so please let them know of your experiences, good or bad, or any ideas for improvements in the survivor benefits/casualty assistance arena. You'll be glad you did.
TAPS - Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. The chat group is a great way to connect with others in the same situation. This site has links t help you solve problems that arise after the official file has been sealed. You will find a huge wealth of information and links for help, trauma, government agencies, military organizations, questions, and so on. It is definitely worth visiting.
Armed Forces Services Corp. Information on benefits for survivors of active duty military personnel. The charitable relief societies for all branches of the military provide free membership to this service, but the surviving spouse has to formally request the service. 1-888-AFSC-USA [237-2872].
Arlington National Cemetery "This site is to be used by veterans and their dependents or personal representatives in determining eligibility for interment (ground burial) and for Columbarium inurnment (ashes) in Arlington National Cemetery. This site can also be used to ascertain what prior preparation is necessary to ensure a future request for interment/inurnment will be processed with a minimum of delay." For additional information relating to eligibility for interment/inurnment or for information regarding preplanning, contact the Interment Services Branch at Arlington National Cemetery on telephone number (703) 607-8585.
National Cemetery Administration "Designed to assist you with information on VA's national cemeteries and other burial benefits."
Service web sites:
U.S. Navy
U.S. Army
U.S. Air Force
U.S. Marine Corps
U.S. Coast Guard
Pentagon News
